Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Life Humor 3.3

From the Henry Cate Life Humor collection:


Life Humor 3.3 was originally posted 4 May 1988

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WALT DISNEY IS NOT DEAD!
He's in suspended animation.

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Seen on a sign on the back of an 18-wheeler on the freeway today:

"This truck is operated by a professional.  His driving  kills are on display.
If you have comments, please call (800) XXX-XXXX."
The (unintentional or otherwise!) omission of the "s" before "kills" sure changes the meaning!

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If you think the 80286 is brain damaged, you ought to check out the Colorado State Legislature.

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An end-user hotline received a call about a bad software disk.  They asked the customer to make a copy of the disk and mail it in to the hotline. A few days later, they received a letter with a mimeographed copy of the disk.  Since it was a double-sided disk, both sides of the disk had been Xeroxed.

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A software installation (for S/36, I believe), instructed the operator to insert each disk in order into the floppy drive, and hit so that the software could get copied in.  The customer hotline received a call from one customer complaining that disks 1-4 had gone in fine, but that they just couldn't get disk #5 to fit.  Wonder how long the disk drive held out after that.

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I had a similar experience while working as a student operator at Michigan Tech. One particularly trying afternoon, the computer was merrily crashing for a number of reasons. After about four such spectacles, we broadcast that the computer would be down for the remainder of the afternoon. There was a resigned groan from the users and they began to file out of the Center, except for one comely young wench with wide blue eyes who wandered up to the counter and queried:

"What's wrong with the computer?" Too tired and irritated to give her a straight answer, I looked her straight in the eye and replied: "Broken muffler belt." A look of deep concern wafted into her expression as she asked: "Oh, that's bad. Can you call Midas?"

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I work for University Computing Services answering questions about any and all aspects of computing here, and as a result I run into some truly astonishing mental densities...  A few excerpts from the Help desk:

Caller: "What's the name for when you're entering data into the computer?"

HD: "Data Entry."

Caller: "Thank you!"


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